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An Open Letter to the Freshmen

Open Letter to the New Freshmen

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An Open Letter to Our New Freshmen,

First off, congratulations! You’ve finally made it to the best four years of your life! Granted they’ll be some of the hardest, most awkward years of your human existence, but trust me when I tell you to cherish them. You’ll remember every moment you overcame the odds and every moment you tripped on the staircase, almost fell, but didn’t.

I want you to know that yes, every single one of the intimidating seniors were scared out of their wits when they first showed up at Rockwall High School. I know you’re a bit freaked now, wondering how it’s possible to get from the 3700 hall to the 1500s in five minutes, but you can do it.

Now I’d like to inform you of the ‘off the record high school rules’. These are the rules that are silently passed from upperclassmen to you freshies each year, and I’m afraid to note that some of you haven’t gotten the memo.

1. No matter who or what you see in the hallway, DO NOT STOP, especially if you are in a large group of friends. Oh, Becky got a new haircut? Great, tell her how awesome she looks in the bathroom during lunch. Do not stop in the middle of the hall or staircase to geek out about how ‘bangs are totally her thing’.

Not only are you stopping the flow of traffic, but everyone behind will immediately wish they could push you and Becky down the stairs. Also, we can hear your freak out which will just make us wish we could leave the school ASAP.

~*eyes rolling into skull*

2. The thing about public restrooms is THEY’RE PUBLIC, which means your tushy isn’t the only one using the toilet today. So, in accordance with this general assumption, please flush the toilet. I know you have both two arms and two legs and both sets of these appendages come with hands and feet!

These are the rules that are silently passed from upperclassmen to you freshies each year.”

That’s four different ways to flush the toilet! I don’t care if you’re brave enough to actually touch that silver rod of germs with your hand–I’ll be kicking at it sporadically until the thing flushes–I just want you to flush it. So, pick your poison of balancing on one foot or contracting some virus. Just make sure it’s done.

3. I know you’re still going crazy trying not to be tardy to your classes, but pushing your way through a mass of human bodies isn’t the way to remedy your fear. It might make you seem cool to your friends, but trust me, if I get pushed by one more of your kind, I’ll stare so deep into soul that my glare will haunt your dreams. Not a threat, just a friendly suggestion to be a decent human being and wait thy turn.

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4. I’m sure being in a school with 2,000 of your closest pals is very exciting, but that does not give you the right to scream at any point during the school day. Whether you’re in the hallway, cafeteria, bathroom, or classroom, you have no right to scream or raise you voice above the sound of Dr. Gober’s ‘Good Morning Rockwall’ mantra.

Did you see a cute person? Swell for you, can you squeal about it? Nope. Did someone tell you a funny joke? Laugh about it; don’t scream about it. Especially when AP tests roll around in the spring. Respect your elder upperclassmen and DO NOT scream, yell, or tap on the library windows. When you take an AP test one day you’ll thank me.

5. Finally, please remember ~*the ever so catchy*~ Four H’s. Highfiving, Handshaking, Hugging, and the new H, Handholding. Dr. G. came up with this little acronym for a reason: no one, and I mean no one, wants to see you and your sig fig sucking on each other’s faces. I don’t want to see you blocking my path up the staircase or down a hallway because you can’t wait 47 minutes until you see each other again. Trust me, you if you can survive safely crossing the school parking lot at 3:50, you can survive not seeing your ‘other half’ for 47 minutes. No one asked for you to recreate the passionate kisses of The Notebook, so please contain your hormone driven acts until after class.

 

Sincerely Hoping You’ll Get This,
RHS Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors

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1 Comment

One Response to “An Open Letter to the Freshmen”

  1. Ethan Lynskey on September 17th, 2015 7:52 pm

    Seriously the best article I’ve ever read!!

    [Reply]

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